Chapter 123

Chapter 123Book Two – Ch.# 15
“_Raven.”
Through the darkness I heard a voice, piercing through the haze.
It sounded urgent. Someone calling out to me. ” — Raven, shift back.”
Every now and then I would see snippets. Just stilled images flashing before me, showing pictures of a
living room. Of a broken table. Of a boy.
It felt somewhat familiar but I couldn‘t place it.
“Raven! – Ah, fuck.”
…And pain. So much pain.
The voice continued to call out to me, pleading with me to do something… but I wasn‘t ready.
No, instead, I rescinded into my mind further to escape.
To try and forget what was happening. …To
pretend everything was okay. And so, I hid from it all, blocking out the images
and voices. Waiting until, finally, things didn‘t hurt so badly.
…Until I was sure the pain had stopped.
“…Raven,“came the voice again.
Only, this time, recognition finally kicked in.
Kieran.It was Kieran’s voice and… and I‘d shifted. Changing into the wolf and…–.
Oh… no, no….
Instantly, my eyes flew open… and I found myself contained within his arms, wrapped up in a blanket.
He looked down at me with a face showing signs of exhaustion, his breathing heavy. And
I immediately knew something was wrong.
I
wasn‘t sure how long had passed but I was back to my normal self, implying it had been at least a few
minutes. But… there was something else too. Something I‘d come to expect from these lapses.
…I could smell the sickly scent of blood.
Blood flowing from it. Increasingly becoming worse pooling, on the ground around us,
And, suddenly, it was as if the whole world obted,
Everywhere I looked there was blood Red painted on every surime, on every piece of furniture, on ever
y wall, curtain and lamp, And as i frantically looked around, I felt my breathing quicken, my heart startin
g to race,
–––Just what had I done!
This was extly what I had been afraid of and yet I‘d let it happen, I turned back to Kieran, finding his fac
e now so pale, and I quickly moved my hands to his chest to help stop the bleeding, Hands that were s
oaked even up along, my forearms already “I‘m so sorry.” I whispered, “I I didn‘t mean to do this.” I‘d tol
d him that this was dangerous and a bad idea. Why hadn‘t he listened to me! “Raven, it‘s okay,” he repli
ed,I looked at himn incredulously, as if he were insane for not seeing the amount of blood he had lost.
It was a miracle he was even still able to talk
“N no, no it‘s not okay,” I stammered, “Nothing about this is okay.. You‘re going to die because of me.”
I could feel my entire body shaking, feel the tears beginning to form in my eyes. Kieran had said he kne
w what he was doing, that everything would be fine, and yet everything had still yone wrong, Was it bec
ause I was incapable of being helped? Was I actually a monster? “Raven, what are you talking about? I
‘m fine”
” Pine‘? ‘Pins‘!!” I repeated, my voice becoming shrill, “You‘re bleeding out! 1 I don‘t even have time to c
all an ambulance Goddammit, Kieran! Why didn‘t you listen to me!!
I kept trying to stop the bleeding but he then grabbed my hands and held them away from him.
“What are you doing?!” I screarned,
“Stop,” he ordered, “It‘s barely even a scratch.”
“N no, no, no it‘s not. How can you say that? You‘re,” “Raven, calm down and look,” he said, cutting me
ofl. “B but I‘ve killed you...1 I didn‘t mean tou ,”
“Raven!” he yelled this time, forcing me to meet his eyes. ” I said I‘m fine”
And as I slowly looked back down at his chest, I found that the wound was barely more than a surface l
evel injury, something that had already stopped bleeding a while ago.
“w what
I don‘t understand…”Carefully, I then spun my head around to look at the room… and found
it completely normal Apart from a few
broken pieces of furniture, the place seemned utterly the same No blood in sight
But I had seen it so clearly, smelt the strong copper smell. There was no mistaking it.
…
How could that all be in my head? “Come here,” Kieran said, and proceeded to lift me onto his lap with
ease. I was reluctant at first, still confused by what was happening, but it didn‘t take long for me to reali
se what this meant. I threw my arms
around him in relief, no longer caring if my sudden attachment to him was weird. All that mattered was t
hat he was alive. That he was safe.
“I–
I‘m sorry,” I cried. “I‘m so sorry. I fucked up.” His hand came up and gently stroked my hair, indulging m
y abrupt need for comfort. Along with the blanket, his warmth
was helping to calm me. “You‘re fine,” he said. “You didn‘t do anything wrong.”
“But I did,” I argued. “I failed. I–I wasn‘t strong enough. Regardless of
whether it was minor, you still got hurt.”
Even after Kieran tried to help me, it was clear that I was still a failure. It didn‘t matter if I was human or
a wolf. There were some things that I‘d never overcome.
Somehow, it felt like I would forever be a disappointment that this was my life now; useless to my
father, and useless at things that should have been natural for me to do.
Just another screw-up to add to the list.
…But Kieran didn‘t seem to like that answer.Immediately, he pulled me away and held my face so I was forced to look at him.
“Hey. Nothing you did was your fault,” he said adamantly. “I mean it.” “But 1–.” “No,” he instantly cut off.
“Take a breath and repeat after me: “this was not my fault.‘”
I opened my mouth to protest but he gave me a look that made me stop. As if telling me this exercise
wasn‘t negotiable.
“…This… was not my fault,” I finally said in defeat. I‘d mumbled the words quietly
but he still seemed satisfied by my reply nevertheless. With a small nod in approval, he let go of me.
“Whatever that was… I’ve never seen anything like it,” he said. “By far the slowest, most painful
changes I‘ve ever witnessed. But… I don‘t know. It‘s giving me a weird feeling. Almost as if there’s
more to it.”
“…
What do you mean? Are you saying there is actually something wrong with me?” “No… not wrong with
you. But maybe more… something external affecting you,” he said, his brow
furrowing. “Are you wearing any jewellery? or have anything metallic touching you like
a piercing? I‘d look something like silver.” I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head. Acc
essories weren‘t a good idea for me given my day job. “No.”
“Okay… then how about diet. Do you drink any teas? Or regularly deal with any herbs?”
“No…,” I replied again, becoming increasingly more
confused by the strange questions. Kieran then stopped for a moment in thought, visibly trying hard to come up with something else before, finally, he asked one more question. Only this time, I could tell he
was reluctant to ask.
“…What about medications?”
And my body immediately stilled. Yes… I had medications.
I had regular medicine I took for anxiety and post–
shifting side effects; mostly the pain and nausea. But… that was
something I had been prescribed for years. By a doctor. A professional.
Or, at least, they were a
professional… employed by my father. Surely, he wouldn‘t have though, right? Because that would me
an…. “Raven?” Kieran prompted when I still hadn‘t spoken. ) I
swallowed back the bile in my throat, hoping Kieran was wrong about this. “…
Yes,” I answered, “Yes. I have medication.”
“Can you show it to me?”
Almost robotically, I stood up and walked to where I‘d left my bag, finding it on the counter. It took a bit
of shuffling before I eventually could locate it. With everything happening so quickly, my fingers were tr
embling uncontrollably. “Here,” I finally said, presenting it to Kieran. He‘d followed behind and swiftly to
ok it from me, starting to inspect the contents immediately The whole time, I silently watched as he wor
ked, subconsciously pulling the blanket around me more for
comfort. Wishing more than anything that this really would be ordinary medication.
Though it was rarely ever that simple. “These… these are suppressors,” Kieran said in shock, slowly lo
oking up at me. “They were designed and used in chemical warfare. Illegal now, of course.” “…I don‘t
understand how….”“Raven,” he continued, voice completely serious.“… How
long have you been taking these?” “Since my eighteenth. Maybe just before… I can‘t remember exactly.
“Years?! You‘ve been taking these for years?”
Thnched at the outburst, taken by surprise,
“Sorry. I‘m just… astounded you even have these,” he said. “Suppressors were created for a specific wa
I mean town‘… we were unfortunately the ones who originally designed them.”
“. They come from you?” I asked, struggling to take in all the new information,
“They shouldn‘t be,” he said. “They stopped
production after the war ended and it was agreed to never use them again. But… I don‘t know. Truthfully
a kid, but these… these look a bit odd. Their shape isn‘t quite what I remember….”
And then to my utter disbelief, I watched as he picked one up… and bit into it. “What are you doing?!” I e
before I could take a step to stop him, he instantly spat it back out, staring at it intently. “It feels
weird,” he said quietly. “As if there is the tiniest bit of sensation on my palm. Barely noticeable. Almost
like…,” And he went quiet for another few seconds. “Like what?”
The pauses and silences were driving me insane. I just wanted to know already. “I don‘t know where
you got these or who made them…,” he said darkly, “but whoever is administering them to you knows
exactly what they‘re doing.” It was the words I‘d feared hearing and yet he was
confirming it to be true. The worst case I hadn’t wanted to believe.
“…Are you sure?” I asked, though I knew it was redundant to still hope otherwise. Only, as he
answered my question, it turns out that it was far worse than I‘d expected. So, so much worse.
“Raven… this has trace amounts of blessed silver in it.”“Blessed… what?”
“…It means they were poisoning you.”
I could feel as my body started to feel light, my legs swaying, and it was only a matter of seconds
before Kieran had to catch me, stopping me from hitting the ground.
“Woah, let‘s get you to the couch,” he said, hoisting me up into his arms.
Once comfortably seated and after my breathing had steadied, I decided to push through and ask the
questions that I still needed answers to.
“So this whole time I really was drugged… just not in the way I thought,” I said, feeling bad for initially bla
“I‘m going to be brutally honest here,” he said. “And I don‘t mean to scare you but I‘m just surprised you‘
over such a long period of time would have messed with you significantly, making
using your abilities incredibly difficult I assume that explains the extreme pain, a cause for the blackouts
and impossible to get your hands on for anything that isn‘t approved by an elder council. The fact that yo
“But… if it was meant to be suppressing my abilities, how come I still have better senses? More strength
of removing…,” he said in thought. But then his tone suddenly changed. “Actually… it sort of reminds
me of a story. Long ago, they used to say that the Silver Saintes–.”
Abruptly, he then stopped talking without warning, quickly looking over to me a little uncomfortably.
“What is it?” I asked, still waiting for him to proceed. But he only continued to stare, as if having a debate
over what to say. “Ah… nothing. On second thought, it‘s not the same thing,” he said. “Just a story.”
He was doing it again, I could tell. Shielding me from things he felt I wasn’t ready to know about. I
understood why… but it was
still frustrating. Sure, I was a little overwhelmed, but I had still managed to pick up things that sounded hHe’d mentioned wars, chemicals, poisons… a world hidden away that was full of people just like me,
capable of abilities I’d once considered monstrous. But never once did he elaborate further or give
more context than necessary.
“*”I saw how overwhelmed you were over
just meeting me so I didn’t want to rush you into this world,“*‘ was what he had said to me the other day.
I didn‘t end up being able to press him for more answers though as he suddenly asked me a question
instead. One I wasn‘t expecting. Or, at least, one I knew he would eventually ask… but I wasn’t quite
ready to answer yet.
“I need to know where you got these,” he said, making my chest tighten with stress. “…I need to know
who gave you the medication, Raven.”
And I instantly
held my breath, frozen with confliction. Because to give such an answer meant admitting something I sti