Chapter 459 [Bonus Chapter]Theron’s Unsaid Suffering

Chapter 459 [Bonus Chapter]Theron’s Unsaid Suffering

After the bad rumours about the Second Prince vanished, the Little Dray started to grow up under the care of his mother. King Theron was always busy with his palace work and never even once visited the Queen's palace during those times.
It was the same with the First Prince. Little Keiran, now a toddler, was raised within the Vermillion Palace, pampered by the First Concubine, yet he was also devoid of his father's love and care.
The King never visited any of his wife's chambers and neither did he show love and affection to any of his sons apart from just asking about them and their well-being.
Two years passed quietly like that.
Inside the open veranda connected to the drawing room of the Crystal Palace, King Theron and Great Lady Theodora could be seen sitting, leisurely drinking tea. The King found time to visit his mother, rearranging his busy schedule for the day.
The topic of their conversation gradually turned to his sons.
"Theron, I have come to know that you don't spend time with your sons," the old lady scolded.
"My hands are full with kingdom-related issues, Mother," he replied as if he had prepared his answer beforehand. "Besides, my wives know better than me how to raise children. I don't want to bother them."
"Excuses. I know you are busy and I am not doubting that, but be at least a responsible father. You do not need to spend an entire day with them. How about inviting them for evening meals and eating together?"
"That is burdensome—"
"Not every day, of course. Even once every two weeks—no, once a month would be good."
"I…I don't know, Mother. I mostly have my meals in my study."
Great Lady Theodora shook her head. "I wish to hear the truth, my son. You can share it with your mother. I know you love them both, so why are you avoiding them?"
King Theron kept quiet for a while and tried to answer as best as he could. "Mother, in my heart, I care for them, both Keiran and Drayce, but… I can't seem to show it. I want to be like Father. I remember when I was young he would visit me in the middle of my studies, and sometimes when he thought I was asleep, he would enter my chamber and check on me. I know…and I want to be a good parent like you and Father… but I just can't…"
"And why so?" she asked. "Is it because of Dray?"
He stayed quiet for a while and nodded.
His mother frowned. "Dray is a good child. He's more behaved than children his age and he's very smart. His nanny and the servants all adore him."
Seeing that his mother was waiting for his response, King Theron drank the tea in his cup in one go and sighed.
"Both my sons are outstanding boys, Dray especially…but every time I look at Dray, it is not him I see. It's not that I don't care for him or don't consider him mine but whenever I see those red eyes, it reminds me that I am not his father. I see him innocently smile, yet all I feel was suffocation, a reminder of my failure and Esther's sacrifice for this kingdom. How can I continue facing him, Mother? I am eaten by guilt and blame myself, and his eyes are not allowing me to forget it."
"And Keiren?" his mother asked. "He did nothing wrong,"
"Mother, why are you asking the obvious? What do you think will happen if I show fatherly affection to only one son because he has my blood running through him while I ignore the other one? Won't it make it like I only consider Keiren as my son? Won't that plant seeds of jealousy between brothers? The aristocrats would probably start playing sides and the favourite will be supported by a faction, and it would weaken the power of the royal family. Since both of them are my sons, then they both will get the same treatment from me."
Though the Great Lady didn't approve of his distant behaviour with both sons, what he said made sense to her. As King, he simply could not openly show favour to only one of the two.
The First Prince who's the son of a concubine, versus the Second Prince who's the son of the Queen.
For sentimental members of royalty like King Theron and Great Lady Theodora, such a horrible future must be prevented.
"Have you not forgiven yourself yet, Theron?" His mother idly stared at the rim of her teacup. "No one blames you. No one did, and no one will."
King Theron also lowered his gaze. "You can say it is my ego as a king or husband or whatever, but what happened at that time had changed everything. I am not the same person now. That desperation to stop and protect my wife from sacrificing herself, that helplessness, I can never forget it all."
When he said those words, the bitter memories from that night flashed in his mind like a vicious nightmare.
How desperately he rode his horse to go to Esther to stop her. How he could not even enter her mansion. How pathetic he felt, unable to do anything but kneel there helplessly.
Maybe that night, not only his pride, but his sanity broke.
That night, he prayed and prayed that time would stop and he could change everything back. But then he realized he was just a human, a weak human who has no power to change fate nor decide his life. He was a good-for-nothing who would only watch, unable to change anything.
Though he never said it aloud and never expressed it on his face, there was not a single night when the memories from that particular night didn't haunt him. He had never had a good night of sleep, almost always relying on alcohol and exhausting his body in order to force himself to sleep.
…only to wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare that he had been suffering for years.