Chapter 746 - My Sun

The shrink carefully crafted her questions, guiding Blair patiently through her feelings so she could get past that dark time. Blair sprang up from the couch. "I think I'm wasting my time here."
"Blair," the shrink prompted gently.
Blair stood there nervously, looking at her.
"If you keep avoiding the problem, everyone will still worry. They're losing sleep, and even their appetites, worrying you'll hurt yourself. Think of them, if not yourself."
'Does Wesley worry about me like this every day?' Blair thought. The problem was she didn't want to think about those days.
That was a very dark period in her life, and she saw no way out. Yes, she thought Wesley was dead. Yes, she tried to kill herself because of it. But she was over it now. She didn't see any sense in dredging up the past. It hurt too much.
She sat back on the couch, supporting her head with one hand, eyes closed, grief-stricken. "I want to see Wesley. I want to see him..."
Wesley tried to go in, but the therapist's assistant stopped him. "Just sit tight for right now. Dr. Xue knows what she's doing. If they need you in there, I'll let you know."
But no matter how the doctor tried to get her to calm down and focus, Blair would only cry, demanding to see Wesley, like a lost child looking for her mom.
She was obviously heartbroken and grief-stricken, and it was too much for Wesley to take. He barged into the room.
As if seeing a beacon after being lost in the dark, vast sea, Blair ran into his arms excitedly. "You're alive! You're here! You're with me! This is real! Please tell me this is real!"
Wesley stroked her hair and her forehead. "It's real. I'm here, Blair. I'll always be here for you."
"How could my father do that? Did he ever think of me when he blew himself to bits, and Mom with him? Yes, I'm all grown up. But I'm still their kid. How could they leave me alone like that? I don't want to blame them, but I feel so lonely. I envy those people who still have their parents. I keep telling myself I'm not a kid anymore. I don't need my parents to take care of me. But the day they died keeps rushing back into my head. I watched them burn, and I couldn't do anything. I'm a murderer..." she shouted tearfully.
Wesley listened quietly.
"Then I met Wesley. He lit up my life, warmed my soul like the sun. He's a great guy. But he didn't like me. I tried everything, but he just wasn't into me. No one was. I was so alone I felt my life was meaningless.
Finally, Wesley fell for me. So I guess someone upstairs was looking out for me. And I was willing to wait for him quietly at home. When he was on a mission in D City, he had to pretend to be someone else and go out with other women. I knew it was his job. He had to do that. But it still hurt when I saw him with someone else."
Then Blair suddenly raised her voice. "Haven't I suffered enough? Why did he have to die? The boat exploded and he fell into the ocean. Was he blown to smithereens, or did the sharks get him? Did he die lonely?
I couldn't sleep. Night after night, I saw him in my dreams. But I couldn't touch him. I asked him to hug me, but he didn't talk to me. It was like he couldn't see me. If I tracked him down and stood in front of him, then maybe... That night, I saw my parents too. They looked at me with love in their eyes, but said nothing."
Sadness overwhelmed Blair. Tears streaked down her face nonstop. "I missed them. I wanted to see them. Wesley was so good to me. How could he die like that? It seemed nothing was forever. I didn't want to be a problem to Joslyn, my uncle and aunt. I didn't want to go to Wesley's funeral. I wanted to be with him. The world without him wasn't the same. If I left the world, I could be with him. He must be waiting for me. When he saw me, he could love and spoil me again.
He was my sun. I couldn't live without him. So I took sleeping pills. And I did see him. He was holding another woman in his arms, laughing, as if he couldn't see me. I called his name. Then he saw me and spirited me away from this world. He found a secluded spot, away from the troubles of the world. Just the two of us. It was paradise. Why did they have to bring me back?
Then I learned that Wesley was alive. When I saw him again, he was with a woman. They walked past me. But he ignored me. I didn't feel that life was worth living. Joslyn told me he was on a mission, and that it would be over soon. I believed her, and I knew everything he did was to make the mission go smoothly. But why didn't he tell me he was alive? I died for him. I died to be with him. But he was alive."
Blair was immersed in her own world. Her eyes were blank and dull, fixed on a spot only she could see. She kept asking over and over why Wesley never told her he was alive.
Finally someone had intruded into that dark space she retreated to. She heard a tender voice telling her, "Blair, Wesley has always loved you. You know that flirting with those women was part of his job. Why don't you talk to him about it? Tell him how you feel. And ask him about the things you want to know. He'll be honest with you."
'Wesley has always loved you...'
Blair rested her head wearily on Wesley's chest as she quietly savored the words.
The soft voice continued, "Your sun didn't vanish. He still shines in your world. Put those painful days behind you. Raise your head and look at your sun. Its rays have always shone on you."
Blair slowly looked up and met Wesley's affectionate eyes. It looked as if he were emitting golden light. She felt she had found her sun again.
"You don't live for anyone but yourself. You don't need your parents or Wesley to be happy. Enjoy your life! Blossom! Wesley, your parents...everyone will be happy for you."
Without her parents or Wesley, Blair didn't know what else to live for.
"Now that Wesley is by your side, cherish him. Make the most of these days. If you're not happy, he won't be happy. So make him happy by finding your bliss."
Blair fell asleep in Wesley's arms.