Chapter 104

Assistant Architect by Xi He Qing Ling
Chapter 104: Breakdown
__________________________
WatchingZhang Siyi reaction closely, and knowing how he reacted during the Z City bidin the past, Gu Yu could guess the state of shock Zhang Siyi was in right now.
Zhang Siyi workedvery hard for his first project that he earned by his own efforts untilcompletion and for it to be taken away was a huge blow to his psyche.
Maybe ifhalf of the work was done, the damage would be less…. But there is no use insaying that now. It doesn't matter if the plans were finished or not, the endis already here.
Gu Yu was afraid he couldn't bear the blow, so he didn't pursue theissue of 'communication.' Instead, he tried to comfort him with a calm voice: "Likethe Z City planning project, this kind of thing often happens in the industry.If there weren't special circumstances, we wouldn't have won the bid at thebeginning. It is common in the construction industry because there isuncertainty in every step of the process and as a result, there are countlessprojects that die."
Zhang Siyi lowered his eyes and did not speak.
Looking down at the blueprints on his desk again Gu Yu said: "Theplans were draw very well. Think of this as a learning experience. Now, I thinkyou have a better understanding of the details needed in designing and draftingas well domestic regulation which is very beneficial towards your future work."
Below the desktop, Zhang Siyi put his hands on his shaking knees andclenched his fist and thought: – nowonder he didn't circle any problems. There was no point in doing so.
Thinking about the recent days, Gu Yu knew Zhang Siyi was looking fora new place to live during his lunch break every day. He knew Zhang Siyi wasthe first to leave every night and arrive punctually every morning. Even when Gu Yu went looking for Zhang Siyito talk to him, he couldn't find him in the office. He must have been extremelybusy. Just as he was going to ask Zhang Siyi about his apartment status, ZhangSiyi interrupted Gu Yu's thoughts and said: "Boss, I want to be alone."
Continuing to monitor his reactions, Gu Yu was concerned and looked atZhang Siyi thoughtfully then said: "Well, I won't arrange a new job for youright now. Take this moment to reorganize your thoughts and go home early todayto rest."
Zhang Siyi mechanically got up, walked away and hurriedly went to hisdesk to shut down the computer. Ignoring Zhu Hongzhen's strange look and thestares of others, without a word, he was the first to leave work for the day.
Like a wandering soul, before he was even conscience of it, he rodethe subway home lost in a daze. When he opened the door to his apartment, hewent inside then fell onto the sofa feeling like nothing was left of himselfbut a husk.
When Cheer-Up saw him, he excitedly jumped up and down on him, waitingto be petted. Zhang Siyi, like a dead man, was completely unresponsive. Hisdull mind slowly recalled what had happened to him in recent days.
He felt that he had never been so unlucky in all of his twenty years.His best friend left. He had no money to move with the dog. He sold speakers andlost five thousand dollars. He unfathomablylikes the same-sex and is emotionally frustrated. His career field is even morefrustrating. He didn't know if he was the only one that felt particularlymiserable when they first enter society, or if this feeling was common.
After a long time, with the little strength that he had left, ZhangSiyi slowly turned his head to look at the dog. With a self-deprecating, sadsmile, he sulked: “What Lucky Dog? You are the dog of doom!"
Cheer up: “Woof!”
Zhang Siyi reluctantly petted his head. With the dog of doom beingcalled 'Cheer-Up', life is full of irony.
The next morning, when Gu Yu arrived at the company, he saw ZhangSiyi's empty seat. Even though he was busy all morning, from time to time, GuYu peeked through the frosted glass window to look for Zhang Siyi at his desk.Even by midday, Zhang Siyi did not come to work.
He only allowed him to go home early and recuperate last night anddidn't approve of a second days absence. Gu Yu called the front desk landlineand asked for Zhang Siyi whereabouts. They also reported a lack of notificationby Zhang Siyi. Gu Yu frowned and put his work on hold. He canceled Tao Feidinner arrangements, put on his coat and left the company.
With urgency, Gu Yu used the subway system to get to Zhang Siyi'shouse. Like last night, on the way to his house, he tried to call him manytimes, but whether it was by phone call or by text, or social media, there wasno response.
Half an hour later, hoping he hadn't move away yet, Gu Yu was at ZhangSiyi apartment, ringing the doorbell. There was no answer.
After three minutes of pressing the button, someone finally answered:"Who is it!?"
Hearing the voice of Zhang Siyi, Gu Yu's spirit rose for a momentbefore it fell again: "Gu Yu. Open the door."
Zhang Siyi: “………”
Gu Yu entered the building and went upstairs to his apartment and sawZhang Siyi standing in the door dressed in his pajamas looking depressed. Gu Yufrowned and directly asked: "What is the matter with you? Why didn't you cometo work? Why is your phone off?"
Since Zhang Siyi didn't expect Gu Yu to come find him, he felt alittle happy to hear his voice. However being bombarded with questions, ZhangSiyi felt like he was under attack.
Feeling completely pissed off, Zhang Siyi shouted at Gu Yu: "I can'ttake it anymore. I QUIT!"
He thought about it all night, and the more he thought about it, themore he was willing to accept quitting. Following Gu Yu like a puppy… He was sostupid!
He Chengtian was right. Zhang Siyi was too naïve and too idealistic.Thinking he could rely on those ridiculous notions and bullshit feelings, likefloating bubbles, quickly bursting and disappearing at any second, they won'tever make his dreams come true.
……
In shock, Gu Yu looked at him with an incredulous expression on hisface. After a dozen seconds he spoke with a tremble in his voice: "Are youserious?" Right after, Gu Yu adjusted his tone and spoke with a fierceness thatZhang Siyi never heard before: "Just because of something so small, you quit!?"
Afraid of Gu Yu's demeanor, Zhang Siyi took a step back in fright. Hewanted to retort: – This small mattermight be a trifle for you but not for me!
However, Gu Yu didn't give him time to answer. Quickening his pace, GuYu aggressively stepped towards Zhang Siyi and spoke firmly: "You are going togive up? This is your attitude towards architecture and work?"
Zhang Siyi was forced backwards until he hit a wall. No longer able tosuppress his feelings anymore, he clenched his fist and shouted: "But I havehad enough! I work so hard but I don't see any results! This job is toodifficult! He Chengtian promised me a 200,000 year salary. Could my job paylike that? No! Four and a half years of study and I am so poor I can't even afforda single apartment in the city. I work, but for what purpose? I buildbuildings, but I can't even find a building to live! There is no point!"
He is going to find He Chengtian. He wants to make a lot of money. Hewants to rent whatever kind of apartment he wants in the future without hassle.Love my job award? Outstanding staff award? All garbage! He doesn't careanymore!
Gu Yu replied: “You have only worked on this project for twomonths total. Do you think that is a lot of work? Everyone starts from a humbleposition, from a small role to becoming a vital member of the company. ZhuHongzhen spent one and a half years doing basic models in his previousworkplace before coming to borderless. To learn how to draw and pain well, YuanZhicheng spent more than ten hours a day in the Academy of Fine Arts. Even now,he practices sketching every day outside of work! In college, Be Lele read theentire school's collection of design magazines to gain knowledge and developher own design aesthetic. When she came to Borderless, she didn't know some PScomputer skills so she stayed in the company every night until 9:30 toself-study. It is unnecessary to explain Du Rui's experience at her old company.Her excellent ability to draft perfect works speaks for themselves. Do youthink everyone's grades are so easy to obtain? Do you think you are suffering? They’vebeen through a lot more setbacks than you! Have you ever heard anyone of themsay they want to give up? You have only worked for six months, and you want to askfor the moon?"
Zhang Siyi didn't think it was easy for them to obtain their workingstatus. Zhang Siyi knew that his colleagues were better than him, but hearingthe details from Gu Yu shocked him speechless. Gu Yu's words deeply touched hissoul. He also wanted to continue working hard with his colleagues and he wantedto work alongside Gu Yu.
But now, he is too tired and his mind couldn't comprehend thesituation anymore. Did he build the building for himself or because of Gu Yu?He never thought he would fall so deeply in love. The unknown reason for TaoFei being hired at the company is driving Zhang Siyi crazy. Compared to hishate for Tao Fei, he can't stand the idea of Gu Yu discovering his love andthen shunning him so in desperation, Zhang Siyi did the only thing he couldthink of; leave this terrible feeling behind!
…… But how could he possibly say that? Instead, Zhang Siyi used hisfrustration of the job as an excuse!
“It is true that people have high and low backgrounds. Thedistinction is different and in most people’s eyes, the amount of money someonemakes is used as the criterion for judging a persons' success. If you reallywant to give up, use your shortcut. Maybe you will be happy then and think lifeis better. With more money, you may be able to brag, but you can't hinder thepursuit in someone's heart. With strong values, self-worth and determination, aperson can achieve what their soul desires. These are things money cannot buy."Gu Yu looked at him and the disappointment in his eyes was particularlyevident.
“It's not……” Zhang Siyi shook his head unconsciously,choked back the words and wanted to refute because it wasn't like that. Heunderstood the truth.
“Isn't what….? You said you liked architecture. You said you’reon this road because of me. If that’s what you call 'like’ …… "With apained expression on his face, Gu Yu paused and lowered his voice: "You arevery disappointing."
All of the psychological barriers that Zhang Siyi put up to keep hismind moving forward were completely shattered by Gu Yu's statement. The tearsthat had been lingering for a long time were finally released, flowing steadilydown his cheeks. Choking back his tears, he sniffled and angrily said in ahoarse voice: "Since I am such a disappointment, why did you hire me in thefirst place? Why don't you find a few more people like Zhu Hongzhen, Bi Lele,or Yuan Zhicheng!? Even better, hire a few more Tao Fei!!"
Wide-eyed, Gu Yu was stunned. The expression on his face quicklychanged and became very strange. …. – TaoFei? Did he just didn’t mention Tao Fei? Why did Zhang Siyi mention him? What doesTao Fei have to do with it?
“With Tao Fei's help, you are so happy with him every day. I don'tknow what is right. I don't want to give you trouble and be hated. I don't wantto become worthless. I don't want to be abandoned……”
In a loud cry, Zhang Siyi poured out his heart. He wanted to say helikes Gu Yu and he still likes architecture. He doesn't want to give up at all!However, that isn't what he said. Instead, it all turned into angry, bitterwords: "If I'm such a disappointment, then why are you here!?"
Gu Yu's heart fell into the sea, and sunk down deep before it turnedaround and started to float upwards. …..Is he feeling inferior? …… or is it jealousy?
The more he said, the more wronged Zhang Siyi felt and the more histears fell. Lifting his hand to wipe his face, he wanted to take back what hesaid. He felt ashamed and embarrassed at wanting to be comforted by Gu Yu. Itis just his daydream. That hateful man only knows how to hurt!
But as soon as he tried to move, Gu Yu suddenly stepped forward and aggressivelygrabbed his wrist.
Zhang Siyi: “……”
Like looking through his body and into his soul, Gu Yu watched ZhangSiyi intensely. Gu Yu facial muscles went through a myriad of changes;curiosity, puzzlement, thoughtfulness and when his doubts subsided a fewmoments later, he said: “Do you want to know why I hired you?”
Zhang Siyi tried to move his hand, but he was trapped. Instead, Gu Yu pulledhim closer: "Wh…, Why?"
Pondering, Gu Yu furrowed his brow slightly, pursed his lips, anddeeply thought of what to say. He slowly spoke: "Indeed, I heard yourex-girlfriend scold you for an hour from the beginning at the coffee shop. Ialso felt……" Gu Yu let his head hang and sighed deeply then looked at ZhangSiyi: "……I thought you were a person with no sense of responsibility.Probably your only merit was your ability to endure her verbal onslaught for solong. You were like a steamed soft bun being poked and prodded. You had noreasonable basis for rebutting her. Although in the end when you finally stoodup for yourself, wet with coffee, a wrongly accused passerby suffered for youin vain."
Zhang Siyi: “……”
Releasing the tension in his grasp, Gu Yu slowly changed the angle ofhis hand in order to intertwine his fingers with Zhang Siyi. He graduallycalmed down and softly spoke: "I heard you say you were looking for a job andreworking your portfolio. I thought your attitude at least, proves you are amotivated person that is willing to learn and thus, perhaps I can give you achance. Of course, if there was no resume, then I wouldn't be able to helpyou."
At such a close distance, Zhang Siyi could not move. He could feel GuYu breath on his neck and his hand holding his own tightly.
Gu Yu continued softly: "I accepted your request for an interview andthrough the exchange, I found that you were very different from the coward atthe coffee shop. You had personal ideas and your thoughts were very logicalwhich are exceptional qualities for an architectural designer. Finally, when Ilooked at your portfolio, I carefully examined each work and although they wererelatively rough and immature, the design ideas were excellent. All of thesequalities made me conclude you have great potential. Maybe I can help cultivateyour ability so that you could grow into a unique and outstanding designer."
Feeling hot, Zhang Siyi's tears subsided. It probably wasn't easy forGu Yu to say such lengthly praise.
“If you hadn’t mentioned it, I really didn't remember you beingmy high school alumnus so I didn’t hire you for that sentiment…” Gu Yuraised his hand and tenderly caressed his cheek. With his thumb, he wiped thetears away from the corner of his eye. He softly asked: "Do these reasons makeyou a little more confident?"
Although Gu Yu's words eased his worries, Zhang Siyi didn't know whatto make of his other intimate actions. He felt embarrassed and wanted to hide. However,Gu Yu did not let him break free and again came closer. The two of them werenearly holding onto one another.
Looking at Zhang Siyi inquisitively, with some hesitation, Gu Yusoftly said: "Don't cry. Don't feel bad. I will be with you at every step alongthe way, okay?"
Hearing Gu Yu's soothing words, Zhang Siyi wanted to cry more. Hisheart was both sour and sweet. When he is angry or depressed, with just alittle encouragement and a simple gesture from his love, Gu Yu can make himfeel instantly cured of any problems. What kind of magic is this? What PeachBrother? All he could think about was loving Gu Yu.
Standing with Gu Yu awkwardly for a while, Zhang Siyi sniffed oncethen gently nodded his head.
Seemingly satisfied, Gu Yu let him go. He took a moment to look at theapartment and saw the mess. Gu Yu frowned and asked: “When do youmove?”
The hand Gu Yu was holding felt hot and as if to grasp the sensationagain, Zhang Siyi curled up his fingers and held his fist to his chest. Hereplied as a matter of fact: "I haven't found a place to live yet."
Zhang Siyi has searched for an acceptable place everyday over the lasttwo weeks. The apartments are either cheap and unlivable, or good but tooexpensive. Additionally, many places do not allow pets. The process of findingan apartment has been very frustrating!
Gu Yu look at Zhang Siyi in the eye and tilted his head slightly thenasked: "Do you want to…… live with me?"
Zhang Siyi: “Eh?”
“If you don’t mind, move in and live with me.” Gu Yu looked to the side at Cheer-Up and said: “Take someone else’s son…. It doesn't matter."
Zhang Siyi: “……”
_________________________________