Chapter 30

‘’Go fuck yourself. You’re a cold bastard and I curse the day you stopped me from being thrown in the
river.’’ I turn to storm off, but he catches my wrist and hauls me back, meeting my slapping hands and
just deflects them, pulling me close as he silences me with another kiss. Only this time it’s not like the
one from before, it’s softer, smoother and more like the kiss from the bar. Wrapping his arms around
me as he lifts me up into him and runs a hand around my jaw to pull me closer. It’s almost tender,
hitting my craving need for someone to make me feel better and despite myself and my fury, I weaken
to him almost instantly. Like it’s a weird power he has and I can’t fight it.

Losing myself and letting go of my hurt, I kiss him back. Faced with less aggression and some tiny
need in me wanting this somehow. A pathetic craving for little hints of affection, someone to make me
feel like I matter.

I kiss him and let him caress my tongue with his. I don’t fight when he lifts me up around his waist
tugging the throw from my legs, where it’s still wrapped and laying me back on the couch, so he can
get on top of me. Alexi says nothing, just starts trailing my face and neck with nibbles and kisses as I
dry my tears and compose myself once more. He seems oblivious to my upset as though the last few
minutes never happened and starts working my body into a wild frenzy with a caress of trailing hands
and a lot less rough play.

It’s as different to his first wave of sex as day and night and I arch, finding that pleasure once more,
taking comfort in physical touch as he gently teases my nipples with his teeth and feels out my inner
warmth with his hand. Fingering me gently until I moan out, before sliding into me slowly this time. It’s
almost like he’s trying to apologise for the harsh handling or being slightly considerate because he
upset me, yet I know that’s impossible. Alexi is never sorry about anything. He hasn’t got it in him to
feel remorse, so maybe this is just more manipulation to finish what he started.

He’s horny and I never let him finish what we started. His hands have lost the urgency and even though
he holds me down again, it’s with less force or intent and his grip stays loose and gentle so that I can



pull my limbs free if I want to. His movements and thrusts are slower and more precise; his whole
demeanour has changed subtly but enough that instead of feeling like I am being attacked and
screwed by a madman—I feel like this is consensual sex, and he is trying not to hurt me anymore.

Alexi brings me to a fever pitch over what feels like an age of ultimate pleasure, until my body arches
and convulses and I cry out through an epic mind-blowing orgasm that makes my body shudder
intensely for the longest minutes. Clinging to him, pushing myself to that hard torso until he pours
himself inside of me too and lets out an exhale before slumping on top of me and completely stills in
the darkness.

I have no sense of how long he has been having sex with me but it was enough to lose the last traces
of light and for my body to fall into sated slumber as soon as he rolls off the top of me. He brushes a
kiss across my temple, weirdly affectionate, as my eyes flutter closed.

I barely feel the fur of the throw warming me as he slides it over, too busy zoning off to the land of nod
with a body that finally got two whole years’ worth of release from being celibate. Alexi quietly pads
across the room to his own and disappears as I let myself fall into slumber, feeling a whole lot of
nothing anymore.

I wake up in my own bed alone and blink around in disorientated confusion. I fell asleep on the couch,
yet I wake here in a bed that is obvious he has never ventured into. It’s completely unbelievable to me
that he would take the time and care to put me in bed like this and I sit up to gather my wits and shake
my brain awake.

It’s gotten to the stage with him that I never know which way is up. He’s a contradiction to himself in
every way, the hints of decent that sometimes linger in him and sometimes peek through, and then he
turns into a complete demon of epic proportions. I can’t read him or get my head around him.



Psycho to gentle lover in a heartbeat, but he’s still a bossy control freak with severe issues. Alexi is a
mind fuck and I know I just made a huge mistake in letting him have the last ounces of me. Control is
his thing, possession, and I just gave him the one part that he didn’t already own willingly.

I lost my hand; all my cards are now face up on the table and I left myself with no bargaining tools. I’m
such an idiot. I don’t get what changed his mind on why sex is suddenly no longer off limits but I know
him, he always has an angle and if he felt sex meant it helped him manipulate and control me then he
would use it. Maybe he thinks I’ll fall for him, become more accommodating and obedient if he starts
fucking me.

I have no intention of letting him get inside my head and unbeknown to him, sex does nothing for me
emotionally, even if he is good at it.

I get up and head for the shower, dazed, messy and just fragile from last night. I need to get a grip and
get some breathing space from him, he’s like an all-consuming black hole when he’s near me and I
cannot see the stars beyond. He just draws me in and blanks everything else out in a bad way, I
second guess myself and all my tricks and games fall hard on deaf ears. He’s immune to all of them,
and last night only proved that it’s not an effect that works both ways.

He got exactly what he wanted from me and I put up no resistance at all. Pathetic Camilla, you’re losing
your edge over a fucking man. What the hell is wrong with you?

I wander into the bar fresh and made up, in a tight black shift dress, heels and with sleek hair. I took a
couple of hours to make myself ready to face the world and I feel better.

The bar is closed right now, but the staff are in cleaning up the remains of last night all around us. I can
hear hoovers going on in the boudoirs from the cleaners and Alexi is sat at the far end of the bar with a
plate of food as he reads papers. He looks crisp and ready to face his day in a fresh pale blue shirt



over light trousers for once and I wonder if he even slept at all. It’s not even ten a.m. and he was
downstairs long before me.

‘’Good morning.’’ I smile brightly; not willing to act like last night happened at all and I nod at the girl
behind the bar to go rustle me up the same as he has. Food is something we actually do here although
there isn’t much call for it when a party is in full swing and it’s usually more of a staff request than a
customer. We have some capable cooks on our serving staff, and she scuttles off to the concealed
kitchen within the bar's inner arch to make me grilled cheese and a side salad.

He picks up his coffee, eyes never leaving the paper he is holding up and just takes a long slow sip.

‘’Morning London. You’re down here early.’’ He glances at me, his eyes running up and down my outfit,
and then goes back to what he’s doing. He’s acting exactly like normal Carrero and not like a guy who
pounded me into his couch for an hour. It’s like it never happened at all and I hate the sense of
disappointment it gives me.

Fucking amateur. I need to stop driving myself inside out and utterly insane over this indifferent
arsehole and find myself a new focus and plaything. I need a defenceless victim to flex my seduction
muscles on and get this out of my system. I need a challenge and some fun of my own where the mind
game master is my crown and not his.

He screws with my whole calm and I hate not being the one who is being fawned over and adored
effortlessly by sex starved men aiming to get another go between my legs. That’s all this is.

‘’I think I might head into the city and buy a new dress or two today, before we open later.’’ I wriggle in
the awkward bar stool, trying to get comfy, but sitting on these hard surfaces reminds me that I am a
little tender down there this morning. Being bruised from a premature entry leaves its mark and I bet
the bastard would be satisfied to know he’s left me in discomfort.



‘’Good idea. Get out of here for a while, give me some space for some clients I have coming.’’ He is
even-toned, normal Alexi and I just gawp at his profile. Hating how much it’s annoying me that he’s
being so fucking ignorant. It was good sex, even with all that happened in
between.


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