Chapter 25: If only

… I stepped out of the on going class receiving a narrowed eye stare from the teacher and a few side
glances from the students, but I ignored them all as I really needed to pee.

I didn't get a chance to use the washroom during recess because I was staying in the library finishing
my lunch and staying away from the bullies.

And unfortunately for me there was no one to keep me company as Kristoff was absent.

I didn't know why he was absent, he didn't tell me.

And Mrs Aaron had only said that he wasn't feeling well.

Then there was….

Kristian.

2 Kristian hasn't talked to me since my confession and that kiss two days ago.

My lips still tingled with the memory of my first kiss.

The way his lips had felt against mine.

It was just a two seconds long kiss and I had been so happy but then he had pushed me away.

My heart still gave a squeeze when I remembered his words, "This is not right.

This can't happen, Elsa."

1 "Why?"

I had questioned, looking up at him with my attraction on display.



"I like you."

He had laughed.

"You and I could never be together.

Don't ever do that."

And when I hadn't backed away, he had slapped me with his next words, "You are just a little girl."

2 A loud crash from somewhere pulled me out of the memory and I turned left towards the girls
washroom.

Without paying any attention to anything, I hurried inside the washroom and opened the first stall door.

But then when I was sitting and relieving myself, I heard another loud crash followed by a painful grunt.

I winced when I heard a groan and then someone being muffled as they screamed.

Goosebumps rose on my arms and I quickly finished up.

Cleaning myself when I came out of the stall, it took me just a few seconds to wash my hands, my mind
playing an awful scenario where some poor kid was getting bullied by someone else.

I couldn't let it happen, not after what had happened to me.

If it wasn't for Kristoff making threats by Kristian's name, I didn't even want to think what would've
happened.

And it was the only reason that I barged inside the boys' washroom next door and came to a sudden
stop.



Because it wasn't someone poor getting bullied.

I wouldn't even call it bullying what Kristian was doing to them.

To the boys that had tried to force me and hurt me not two days ago.

Kristian looked like a savage as he crouched over the boy with his hand at the back of the neck of the
boy who had tried to forcefully kiss me, his knee in the middle of his back holding him down on the
floor.

3 I swallowed and my eyes fell on the boy who was responsible for groaning and mumbling in pain.

I gasped, my palm going to my mouth as I saw that half side of his face was bruised and bleeding and
a cut ran down his cheek.

The cause of it was apparent in the mirror behind him which was broken and smeared in blood.

"Kristian…"

I whispered.

He heard me, his head whipped around in my direction and he looked at me.

The greys of his eyes were swallowed by the black and only the hint of green showed.

I took a step closer and his hold tightened on the boy's neck, making him whimper.

"Stop."

He shook his head.

His voice gravely and yet cold.



"They tried to hurt you."

"Yes… And it's enough."

My eyes dropped to his hand.

"It's not."

He growled.

"They should know what happens when someone tried to touch you or hurt you."

The ache that I had been carrying with me disappeared in thin air and even as his words echoed in my
mind, I knew them for a lie.

There could never be nothing between us, because there was everything.

I walked closer to him and the boy seemed to be barely breathing, he whimpered, trying to gain my
sympathy, "Please, I am sorry.

We didn't know you were his."

God, I liked the sound of it.

If Mama knew she would probably want me to go to church three times a week and have me do the
confession.

Kristian didn't deny the words but his eyes never left mine.

I said, "They know, Kristian.

Now, stop, please, you are hurt."



He followed my gaze to his hands, his knuckles that were swollen and bleeding.

When I was close enough, I said, "I don't like to see you hurt."

He nodded once and then he stood up.

The other boy was already cowering back trying to make himself smaller as Kristian kicked the boy
lying at his feet.

Stepping over him, he came close to me and looked into my eyes.

A moment later, he shook his head and muttered, "If only…"

Then he walked out.

3 Deciding that I would wait for him in the shed tonight and ask what his 'if only' meant, I too left the
washroom.

But he didn't come to the shed.

Not that night.

And not afterwards.

Every night for four days I waited for him in the shed and every night I went to bed disappointed and
dejected, only to go through the same routine the next day with nothing interesting happening, even
Kristoff was still on bed rest so I was really going out of my mind.

It was on the fifth day that I really saw him.

I was with Kristoff, he had finally come out of his room after almost a week in bed.



The left side of his face was slightly swollen and when I asked he said that he had a bad allergy but for
some reason it felt like a lie but I didn't pester him as he had looked solemn and I also wasn't feeling
too chirpy myself.

4 He asked if I'd like to go out with him as he had been bored out of his mind staying in the room for so
long.

But as we walked toward the front of the house where we had to cross the pool area, my feet faltered
when my eyes fell on the couple in the lounger near the pool.

Kristian was in his swim trunks and there was a woman, tall and pretty with dark hair like midnight
sitting beside him in a two piece bikini.

I felt my cheeks heating up as I saw her trailing her fingers down his bare chest.

I felt inadequate and embarrassed and humiliated as I couldn't help but compare myself to her.

"You are just a little girl."

His words came back to tau tears stinging the back of my eyes.

He had ignored me, intentionally kept his distance.

He hadn't come to the shed and not to the forest where we had our night walks.

But here he was with someone else… Someone who was totally opposite of me in every way possible.

2 I swallowed as my eyes stayed frozen on the pair, Kristoff was saying something but I couldn't hear
him as the painful thud of my heart was loud in my ear.

And then he turned, those grey eyes shone in the sunlight as they met my blue ones.



"Elsa?"

I looked up at Kristoff, he was frowning.

I realized why, when he said, "You are crying."

Before I started to bawl like a baby and made more of a joke out of myself, I turned around and ran
away from there.

I didn't stop when I heard my name being called.

I didn't stop until I was deep in the forest, surrounded by the trees.

And then there, I let the sob I was holding free.

I dropped down on my knees and realized that my silent attraction to the elder Aaron brother wasn't
just infatuation.

It was the love my young heart felt, and it went so deep that I was sure my heart was bleeding inside.

I tried to wipe my tears but they kept coming.

Lilapier zoll only Since the last few weeks, it feels like I have become more older than my current age.

I used to be happy but since I started having these feelings for him everything related to him affects
me.

His intentional distance hurts me.

His dark looks, careless words and the way he mistreats my feelings felt like sharp arrows to my chest.

I didn't understand.



I didn't know what it was about him that had made me fall for him.

I hadn't ever been with him except our midnight walks and his secrets.

His deep dark secrets that told me how much he missed his father.

How much he hated his uncle who was now his step father and real father of Kristoff.

And sometimes how he wished that there was a way to stop the dark thoughts that keep him up at
night.

And late at night in my dreams I wish to be that light for him.

I wish that I could be there for him when he needs someone.

But he had made me realize that I was alone in my dreams and I will remain alone in my feelings, also
that it will always be unrequited.


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